I spent the night with a girl who is amazing. We drank and talked and not a moment of boredom. This girl literally speaks Latin! She’s perfect in every way. It was unbelievable! At the bare minimum, I am so happy to have made a new friend.

But then I came home a fucked another girl. She’s boring. Has absolutely nothing to offer. But she’s so fucking hot. She’s always present and I’m attracted to that, but I tend to find that present people are on the dumb dumb side. Occasionally they are intuitive, but that’s as far as it goes. The thing is when I see her smile my heart melts. I love her body. Everything about her drives me insane. But honestly, I think she’s kind of dumb. She has no intellect whatsoever.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I like the girl who is perfect for me? Why do I want the empty vessel? And why does she validate me somehow? This fucking sucks. I don’t know what to do or what I should feel. I wish I loved the other girl but I don’t think I do.

I’m hoping it’s like listening to a new album you don’t quite grasp yet and after a second or third listen you realize its genius and fall in love.

I can’t be beholden to fucking bone structure… It can’t be! I can’t be that shallow. I won’t. I can’t.

Ugh! I still just want to die. Why can’t I combine the two somehow? Death solves all of this.

Pray I don’t wake up.