There has been a lot of movement on euthanasia for people with terminal illnesses but sadly the same cannot be said for suicide.

I know a world where people are constantly miserable and desperately seeking a peaceful way to end their lives. For most that takes the form of pentobarbital (Nembutal). It kills people easily and with little discomfort; you just fall asleep. No risk of failing or brain damage and if for some reason the dosage wasn’t high enough you could just try again after a very long sleep.

I have so many people that have hurt me in my life, in big ways and small. And, for the sake of argument, let’s just blame myself for it. Why insist on keeping me alive if I’m such a wretched person, or why insist if no one cared enough to help or care about me?

There are so many people suffering who want to die. Now there’s no question, many of these people are using suicidal ideation to cope (hell I may be one of them, time will tell) but there is real suffering and there is a need to give people an out.

I think its the height of cruelty to keep someone alive who simply wants to go. I feel like an upset kid in the playground who just wants to take his ball and go home. And sure maybe part of it is spite, or attention seeking, I don’t deny the possibility, but part of it is real. Its MY ball and if I want to take it home, that’s MY choice.

We all die you know, I’ve always wondered what the big deal was. I’m going to die eventually, why not sooner if I’m no longer capable of joy? If we were immortal, I would probably not be suicidal. There’s time enough for me to do anything! But we’re not and I can rationally see an end coming and an inability to get much joy out of life until then.

Let me die.

I was humiliated by former coworkers. Truly cruelly. I feel embarrassed and humiliated every day because of it. Its painful and borderline torture.

No one cares about that but even more generally, no one cares that I don’t have a job, no one cares about the legal bills I have to pay, no one cares if I become homeless, no one cares if I’m sent to prison, no one cares about the criminal record I have for speaking my mind. But the second I want to die, its a big no. We can’t be that cruel to each other and then act like its a big deal to want to die.

I know, the nice people reading this, are going to be opposed just cause they don’t wanna see anyone die. But given all the suffering in people’s lives, which isn’t changing, should we make it easier for people to end peacefully? What do you think?

There’s a pro-choice suicide website I go to. If ANYONE had any interest in helping these people, I mean they just have to go and get their IP addresses but no one really cares. We’re just not allowed to do it publicly. We have to keep our deaths quiet, the same way most of us suffered in silence.

On a private note. I feel like my time might truly be coming to an end shortly. I’ll post something posthumously so people know. But I just want to thank the people who took the time to read what I wrote. This blog was all I had sometimes. Thank you.