I know it won’t last but I feel better today. I’ve been so hell bent on revenge sometimes I forget how much I’ve already accomplished. My enemies suffered. Maybe not as much as they should but they suffered and I take comfort in that.
I’m mostly just bored today. Keep trying to figure out how to get out of this hole but its difficult. Too many choices to make and its overwhelming. Makes me want to give up.
Its one thing to not have what you want, that at least can tear your heart out and make you feel human. But I’ve reached a place where I’m not sure what I want anymore. In moments like that, death seems trivial, not even romantic.
After everything that’s happened, vengeance and justice aside, now that I might put it aside, who the fuck am I? I’ve been raped of everything I was. Do I want to go back?
I want to be in love but the kind of love I want… I’ve just lost faith in and I’m not interesting in settling. I want to write something beautiful but I’m just not talented enough. I want a yuppie job but it can’t be just that or I’d really rather die.
Anyway, I’m just glowing at what I have accomplished. My bullies at shit. I’m proud of that.