Yesterday was a day from hell. One stupid comment and I went crazy. I woke up in the middle of the night pissed off as is often the case and saw someone had left a comment that just infuriated me. Someone from work (I’m pretty sure it was the girl herself) called me an overconfident incel and once again acted like I was the bad guy. Everyone knows, she said three times. Anything to get under my skin while I’m licking my wounds.
I don’t mind criticism at all. A well thought out and complete critique on an idea, but even my behaviour, is something I welcome. But when I first started blogging about what happened to me, I poured my heart out and really expressed in quite some detail what happened to me. What I’ve gotten in return is drive by comments, none of them with a cogent argument, just telling me how horrible I am and “we know what you did, we know what you did!!!” Well now I’ve posted everything that my accuser accused me of that night. What the fuck did I do?
When I look inward, this aspect of it isn’t all PTSD. I barely slept yesterday because I was already angry, that’s PTSD but how I react to blatant lies is a problem. I just can’t tolerate when people blatantly lie or omit. I can’t. It drives me CRAZY!
I’m feeling better again. But I’m actually dreading the tribunal for that reason because I’m going to have to deal with my employer blatantly playing dumb. Nonetheless, in the big picture, I want it as soon as possible. But man do I get angry at lies. I completely lose my composure. On some level I have this expectation that people will tell the truth and that’s just not true, I think. It’s hard accepting that. I don’t know why that is but it’s something I need to work on.
After all is said and done, I’ve been transparent. I’m not the liar and for those who aren’t completely biased, that’s easy to see. We’ll see how they feel when the little mafia at that company goes after one of them!