I want so badly to just move on with my life after all the craziness I had to deal with thanks to former coworkers and former employer. They’ve destroyed me and my reputation.

I fought back and that made me feel well enough. But what I really need to do is move on and focus on myself.

But when it comes down to it, when I try to eat healthier, work out, think of jobs I could have, my future with certain women, all I really want to do is die.

I feel so bruised and battered that only thinking of death makes me feel better. I think about how some people might feel, given how they treated me, and it makes me cry. It’s comforting. People don’t understand that about suicide; how comforting it is to dream of taking control of your out of control life and just ending it.

I hope I can overcome this and get my life together again but I really am losing faith. I can’t visualize it.

I’m dying.