I woke up this morning under a new light. After spending a few day litterally thinking of mass murder, I just decided I don’t care.
I know who I am. I know what I did. I know I didn’t deserve what happened to me. And I just don’t give a fuck what some people think about me. They don’t even confront me with anything. They’re clearly lying because they think they’re morally right to. I believe in transparency, and frankly, most of these people are losers that I don’t really care about. Let them hate me. I’m still better.
But I nonetheless feel sad right now. It’s so hard to move on when there is nothing really to move on to. All that exists are the remnants of what happened to me. It’s so hard to quiet the voices that are telling me that this is useless when I’m trying to be productive.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that. I need to move on but I feel like I’m just getting closer to death. I can’t even properly describe what I’m feeling right now. It’s awkward and just the depths of sadness. Filled with anxiety and hopelessness.
Only the thought of death comforts me. I can’t seem to do anything else.