This morning I was reminded of something I’d lost. In the midst of dealing with the present (both positively and negatively) and dealing with the anger I have felt over how I was treated at my last job, I’d barely taken the time to mourn this relationship.
Thinking about it makes me feel all the more vulnerable, but I’m a stubborn one. That’s why I love the way I do; without compromise. Looking back I can see all the mistakes I made and warning signs I missed. I swear to never make them again, but deep down I know I will be charmed into blindness again.
I wish it hadn’t ended the way it did. She was someone I truly cared about but she hurt me so deeply after it ended. When you love and trust someone so much, its hard to accept that they don’t care about you at all anymore and this person had the opportunity to make a small sacrifice to put my mind at ease and chose not to.
Nonetheless, as I look to the future I choose to remember the woman I loved. With all the narratives we create for each other, I know somewhere in her is the person I thought was the most amazing person alive. I think eventually she’ll choose to be that person again… without me. Still I’m glad she’s out there somewhere.